I could give you all a lot of garbage reasons for why it has been (and this is ridiculous) I don’t know how long since I’ve posted. Some of those reasons might even sound rational. Hospital this, infection that, moving in, moving out, busy with work, blah, blah fucking blah.
The truth is that after finally moving into a new place, I realized quickly that it wasn’t working for me. Not enough space, nowhere to truly cook for myself, and a generally unhygienic atmosphere. I felt more unhealthy there than I have since the beginning of my wellness quest, and I have had to look at WHY I have felt that way.
Here’s what happened – I let my routine lapse. I tried to create a new one at my new place and failed. But I took just a little too long to ask for help. I left myself open (so to speak) to illness, and sure enough, illness came.
I’m not saying that I can always control my disease. Cystic Fibrosis isn’t always logical and I can’t always control when and how I do or don’t get sick. But one thing I know for sure – the chances of me getting sick are significantly increased when I don’t follow my routine: meds, exercise, diet, meditation, and writing. All of those things have helped me on a daily basis work toward optimal wellness, and I was all too quick to “modify” or “alter” or even to completely eliminate some of those elements because I was feeling well and doing well.
So it is time for a re-frame. I could kick myself while I’m down. Or I can remind myself how far I have come and how well I have done, and get myself back into gear.
So here’s where I’m at, now: I’ve moved back in with my parents till I can find a place of my own that supports my wellness goals. I am restarting my one-post-a-day rule for myself, here on The Wellness Quest. I am recommitting to stick to a plant-based, vegan diet. No “cheating”. And I am recommitting to exercising daily, including my Tai-Chi practice, cardio, and strength-building exercises. Finally, I am re-establishing my daily meditation practice, at least ten minutes a day.
Those were the things that got me here. They are the things that will continue to move me ahead. I have confidence that I can create the routine I know I need while allowing myself some new freedom at the same time.
We all have to learn to adapt. The realization for me was that I was not adapting, I was regressing. So it isn’t back to the drawing board. It’s back on the horse. (sorry for the mixed metaphors. But this isn’t a literary blog, so who gives a damn, right?)
Thank you all for staying with me. And I thank you all for your encouragement and support even when I disappeared from the blog-o-sphere for some unconscionable time period I haven’t even wanted to quantify.
Peace to you, as you move through your day. May you find your freedom within the routine, and beauty, within the mundane.