The last few nights I have written posts that I honestly consider to be almost prohibitively long. In other words, they are so long that some of you might have taken one look at them and said….wow, I don’t have time for that. I’ll read it later. Or maybe some of you looked at it and said, “wow, what does this guy have to say that takes him over a thousand words?”. I’ve been told before that traditional blog posts ought to be 1000 words or less, and that 500 words is preferable.
Too bad I don’t have that kind of self-control. I was the kid in college that when I required page length for a paper was listed I asked the teacher if it was okay if I exceeded it. (ok, well….I only did that in some classes i.e. the ones that I liked) (for a description of how to use “i.e.” click here)
Anyway, I am going to make a sincere attempt to make this post a more manageable length.
So I have two things to talk about tonight. First, as I was about to go to bed last night (which, in reality was actually this morning because it was past midnight) my phone started to ring. Now, last night was only the second night during which I have had my phone with me. Before that I was giving it to my aunt and uncle to place in a locked drawer at night. But in our conversation a couple days ago we all agreed that I deserved/was now able to handle keeping my phone on me.
So, right. Moving on. My phone rang. I looked at it and it was some strange Massachusetts number. I was considering not answering. But I had this sense that I needed to pick it up, so I did. And it turned out to be my friend Abbas. We met my first year at college in Denver, but we didn’t really become friends until my sophomore year. And we had a lot of things in common. We were both high energy and easily distracted (read: ADHD). We both liked similar music. We liked to read, liked to learn, and, at the time, liked to drink. There was one point where I actually set up a fully stocked bar in my dorm room and one night when we had people over, Abbas helped me mix drinks. I remember getting in our friend Adam’s jeep and driving to Kona Grill while bumping Panic! At the Disco. Both of us were singing along at the top of our lungs. I also remember sitting with him late into the night, talking about everything from how to combat depression and anxiety to peace in the Middle East. One night, he, our German friend Artin and I went out to the campus fountain/garden area at 1am to smoke massive cigars and talk.
In short, Abbas was a friend with whom I shared some very formative experiences. I had not talked to him in several years. I actually am not sure how long it had been. But he called me from Pakistan!!! He is there studying youth culture/music etc. as I understand it.
We had a conversation that lasted a little less than an hour, and I could have gone on with him for half the night. I had almost forgotten how much I enjoyed our interactions. Most of our conversation was actually spent discussing mindfulness and the practice of meditation in our lives.
I believe that our conversation last night was no coincidence. I think it means something. I think it was a reminder to me, that there are people out there that I share a connection with, and that I would benefit from reengaging with them. Or maybe it was just the universe reminding me how great Abbas is. (Sorry Api, if this is embarrassing to you. But I had to write about it, it was just too serendipitous)
So that was part one.
Second part is that today was the first day I spent time in the house by myself. My uncle is on a business trip. And my aunt had her painting class from 10am-1pm. I was alone from 10 to about 11:30 or 12pm when my cousin Lindsay came over. Even though that time alone was completely uneventful, I felt it was important to mention it. Because in truth, I didn’t do anything differently that I would have had both my aunt and uncle been here.
My aunt, uncle and I have talked a lot about how things are working with this journey we are all on together. One of the things that I have realized is that part of what’s most important is for me to develop the confidence in myself that will allow me to eventually break away and continue this quest on my own. And little, incremental steps like this – being able to spend short amounts of time on my own – are the building blocks of the wall of confidence that I am only starting to build.
Honestly, I’m not incredibly pleased with this post. But I promised myself that once I decided what I was writing and once I had written it and laid it out on the page, I would only change it if there was some glaring error or if I realized what I had written was patently untrue. Unfortunately, tonight, this isn’t the case. There aren’t any major errors in this post. I just feel like it isn’t living up to the standard I have set with my other posts. Also, it is way longer than I had intended it to be.
Why am I telling you this? Because I promised myself that what I write for this blog will always be honest and authentic. If it isn’t, then that entirely defeats the purpose for which I am writing. Wow, I was wondering what the heck to title this post. Then I looked over it and realized how many times I had used the word “honest” or “honestly” or some other synonym. I went through and made them all bold. So I guess the theme of this post is honesty. Being truthful in my communication with those around me, being honest in what I write on my blog, and being honest with myself about why I do or don’t do certain things. So maybe this post isn’t so bad after all.
Thank you all for reading.